Charles Trimble: McDonald's not a bastion of racism

Opinion

Thursday, July 2, 2009

"I sometimes think there is a massive conspiracy to wear Indians down and drive us to despair, insanity and death. Every time we find ourselves happy about something – the largesse of Obama’s Indian budget, our kid’s birthday, or a good day at the casino, someone out there in the great white conspiratorial world does something to offend us. This turns on our sensitivity sentinels and they set in motion an alarm to remind us that we are targets in an ongoing state of siege. This depresses us and keeps us in a perpetual state of stressful rage and self-pity, thus shortening our lives, as their conspiracy is planned to do.

Recently the conspiracy struck again. This time it was McDonald’s fast food chain, which started giving away a plastic figurine of George Custer – yes that George Custer – in every Happy Meal. Custer is depicted as riding a Harley-Davidson Hog, no less. If you are creatively paranoid you can imagine that he’s on his way to Sturgis to disturb the serenity of our sacred Bear Butte. At any rate, it seems Lakota country is up in arms again, and distracted from dealing with the problems of poverty and social pathology that beset the reservation. One Indian columnist reports that most Lakotas, Cheyennes and Arapahos are enraged over this insult and he responds with a blistering counter attack on the Big Mac army.

Being somewhat diet-conscious I’m not a great McDonald’s fan, although I do like to pig out on their french fries on rare occasions. And as far as I’m concerned, their coffee is better and cheaper than Starbucks. Otherwise I seldom go there, and thus I have been denied the indignity and trauma of seeing the historic villain Custer being commemorated. I did not get my chance to vent my outrage and expound to the smiling little obesity candidates standing in line for their Happy Meals about what a dastardly poltroon that plastic long-haired, blond general riding the tiny Hog represents. Worse yet, I didn’t get one of those little plastic icons, which are reportedly being taken off the market and will thus become valuable collectibles because of the controversial status and rarity we’ve given them. Damn!

Anyway, I would find it difficult to boycott McDonald’s over the Custer incident. It seems like an innocent, thoughtless mistake."

Get the Story:
Charles Trimble: Custer, the plastic icon (Indian Country Today 7/2)