Column: Poarch Creek gaming is only thing working in Alabama

My wish this year is for adoption.

My adoption.

By the Poarch Creek Indian tribe.

That's right, I want to be in the tribe. I want to star in one of those Poarch Creek commercials. I want to live on the reservation … or in one of the suites at one of the hotel and casinos, whatever's easier.

I just want in.

Because let's be honest, it's the only thing working in this state.

Everywhere else you look, we're broke. Maybe $700 million broke, maybe only $250 million broke. But whatever it is, it's way broke.

With a doctor in the governor's mansion, we have hundreds of thousands of people without health care and we have hundreds dying because of it.

Our roads stink. Our bridges are like that bridge that Indiana Jones cuts into with a machete. We've cut firemen and cops. We have such a shortage of troopers, we literally have ABC agents patrolling the highways. And we have a prison system that's so overcrowded and poorly managed that people in Turkey are about to start making movies about their citizens being stuck in our jails.