Alright Dan, my Jewish brother, I'm gonna school you up on some of the incredibly stupid things that you're doing. To re-invoke Jay-Z, "I'll show you how to do this, son." Because you're doing it all wrong. Here's the thing: like Mel Gibson in Ransom, you're a privileged and VERY rich white man who pays his way out of all the stupid stuff that you do. Cool. If I were rich or white, I might do the same thing. BUT, if you're going to pay hush money, there's a way to do it—you gotta at least try to do it kinda slick. Like Mel Gibson in Ransom—the FBI didn't know it until he (stupidly) admitted it!!! So here's a few things that you're doing wrong:

1) You generally don't want to have press releases and web pages dedicated to hush money…that's just dumb. Announcing that you're starting this foundation dedicated to Native people simply brings attention that you're PLAINLY trying to buy us off. It COULDA maybe worked if you had simply started doing some work within our communities on the low and tried to build some credibility. But to announce it beforehand with no coalitions being built? Now, just like any other ethnic group, we're pretty sharp even if not every one of our members is brilliant. But…c'mon Dan, we're smarter than this and smarter than you—we're not falling for the banana in the tailpipe. Dummy.

2) Furthermore, when a person takes corrective action, it usually indicates that they felt something was wrong which they had to correct. Otherwise, why take the corrective action, right? So here, if you didn't think that the word "Redskins" was offensive, then why the hell doesn't your press release say your foundation will help "Redskins"?? Makes sense, right? But no, instead you choose the MUCH MORE politically correct term, "Original Americans." Why? Because you know you done effed up. Dummy.

3) Finally, your actions are just overall transparent—you reek of a privileged white man who has enough money to cover his tracks. I'm not going to say that you've committed actual crimes and got out of them because of your money but…it wouldn't surprise me. You're USED to being able to pick on Natives, or women or Black folks or Homosexuals. You're USED to getting away with it after you pick on us and do repugnant isht. We see that. We smell it on you every single time you talk. Dummy.