Egotism is a strange thing. One definition of this word is “a sense of superiority often accompanied by contempt toward others.” This is the definition I refer to when I speak of ego.

Because of contempt, your ego will enable you to justify the personal denial of the truth, even when the truth is right in front of you. Your ego can bring lots of harm upon you. Be aware, you must be willing to allow yourself to be hurt by your own ego. It’s a conscious personal choice.

Everyone has ego. I believe the most important goal as a human being in this life is to evolve spiritually. In order to evolve spiritually one must work hard to diminish the power in which ego has over you. A human being who has worked hard on coming to terms with his/her egotism is usually a good relative who rarely speaks a harsh word against anyone.

I believe when one vehemently denies the real truth it is really their ego convincing them to do so. Ego is also fed by arrogance. Thus, your arrogant ego gives a false sense of power to the mean little voice in your head telling you that the person speaking an obvious truth to you has got it all wrong.

Denial is also something I see a lot of Lakota women engaging in on a daily basis. I believe I am an expert on this topic because I am a Lakota woman. For instance, many Lakota women deny they are jealous of other Lakota women. But their behavior usually indicates otherwise.

When Lakota women are jealous of one another, they will say things like “I really don’t like her,” (emphasis on really). They may also say a lot of demeaning and cruel things about the other woman. Or they will stare hatefully at the other woman. Jealous energy is very negative most of the time. To me, these women are controlled by their own jealousy, insecurity and inner hate.

No one else can make you feel the way you do. You are responsible for the emotions churning within you. Another person cannot make you jealous or make you mad or make you hate. You do that all by yourself!

Another thing I observe is when a Lakota woman chooses to badmouth another Lakota woman sometimes there are other Lakota women who will align with her. Or they will align with the other woman. What does it mean to align?

When you align with someone you basically take their side. When a Lakota woman looks at another Lakota woman and says “I really don’t like her,” the people who align with her will say something like “I don’t like her either.” This might spark a verbal bash session where they will gang up their potty mouths to fuss over all the faults they think the other woman may have. Do you do this with your sisters or women friends?

It’s totally unbecoming for Lakota women to do this to one another. I try hard not to align with my Lakota sisters when they start talking like this. I will either not respond to their remarks or I will walk away from the conversation. I have learned it is better not to try and defend the Lakota woman they are bashing because then they tend to turn on me. It’s safer to stay neutral.

Attitude is important. Your attitude shows me what kind of human being you really are! When you have a bad attitude and open your mouth to speak it is like you are spewing poison to people around you. I really do not want to know your opinion of another person, especially when it is someone you are jealous of.

Some instances which pit Lakota women against one another can be linked to failed relationships. I see many casual relationships where couples get romantically involved with one another very quickly. The relationship ends just as fast as it began. Soon both people are involved in still another casual romantic relationship.

This usually means the former romantic companions are deadly enemies forever and ever. Some contemporary Lakota people are third or fourth generation enemies because of failed relationships. This is extremely unhealthy. What ever happened to forgiveness?

It all goes back to jealousy, in my opinion. I believe jealousy stems from personal insecurity. Jealousy can also go back to lack of trust.

When we act jealous of someone who is not even a part of our lives anymore it shows how insecure we actually are. It also shows we have not healed from that failed relationship. Casual relationships are very damaging both to the adults and the children involved.

Your children/grandchildren love you unconditionally. When you act up and publicly misbehave you are teaching your children/grandchildren to perpetuate your hatefulness, contempt, jealousy or other dark emotions you still feel for the people you were once involved with. Do you really want your unborn descendants to hate the unborn descendants of the man/woman who is now living with the ex-companion you broke up with because you despised him/her? Totally ridiculous!

I realize a lot of our emotional baggage stems from intergenerational historical trauma but it is such a vicious cycle. When we continue to engage in these negative emotions we perpetuate them. We keep them alive for personal delivery to the next generation. We are keeping the intergenerational trauma alive for our descendants. Isn’t it time to heal our historical pain?

I’ve been accused of being very opinionated. But aren’t we all? The only difference between you and I is this column. Your opinions live in your mind or maybe you express them to someone. I write my opinions for all of you to read.

This is still a free will zone. I write about things I observe my people doing in my everyday walk as a Lakota woman living on the rez. Thanks to all of you for reading.

Vi Waln is Sicangu Lakota and an enrolled member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe. Her columns were awarded first place in the South Dakota Newspaper Association 2010 contest. She is Editor of the Lakota Country Times and can be reached through email at vi@lakotacountrytimes.com.

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