Clara Caufield: Computers will do exactly what you tell them. That's probably the problem.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019  

Years ago, I had a very friendly computer: It involved a big black tower, lots of wires and connections running into that, the phone and modem, taking up much space under the desk, including the “mouse”, a friendly little critter who could easily run around the screen, connecting with the right buttons. Right click or left click, hopefully the correct one, or it could get confused too, then jumping around more like a rat.

Yet, when the robbers and revengers came to my house, they felt it necessary to totally smash my computer, leaving it on the old log cabin floor in little tiny black plastic and metal bits. And they also killed my little mouse friend. The big screen somehow survived, but with its’ brains gone and bereft of the mouse guide, it just sat there, staring at me with a big blank eye.

Then, discouraged, I took a break, literally going into the wilderness for a couple of years, to refresh my spirit and resolve. When that was accomplished, I decided to come back to writing. That of course, required another computer, phone, modem, internet hookup and nests of interconnected cables and wires, which all have to get into the right slot. Sometimes that gets accomplished. Sometimes not.

So, now I have a Hewlett Packard (Did I spell that right?) laptop, which seems to be much more intelligent than me. Lance, my techno-son always says that computers will do exactly what you tell them. That’s probably the problem.

My computerese is somewhat limited, causing me from time-to-time to get the contraption confused. So, now another rat’s nest of jumble wires and cable, a modem and internet has invaded my space.

I’ve have thus gone back to hacking away at columns and the occasional story for Native Sun News Today (NSNT), proudly producing some which looked normal on this little screen. I sent several in via the internet, because it is not practical to hand write them (even though I have mastered lovely calligraphy) and mail them in order to beat the Friday noon deadline.

Problem was, the columns I sent did not look normal on the other end, the spacing etc. all messed up. Funny, how editors are irritated about that.

Finally, I called Ernestine Chasing Hawk, key staffer at NSNT to ask for some computer guidance. “You have to also buy the programs and install them on your computer,” she advised.

“What programs?”

“Word, Publisher and so forth,” she explained. “Those don’t come with computers anymore.”

Somehow, I got that done, via a three-hour consultation with Rasheed, a very friendly and bright young Microsoft technician, who was, of all things located in India.

Somehow, step-by-slow-step, he instructed me through that very challenging chore, quite often saying “No Ma’am, that was the wrong button. Go back please.” He called me “ma’am” many times, very nice manners.

Finally, I gave him permission to invade my computer, somehow from thousands of miles away.

How far is India? “I will not check your personal or financial information,” he promised.

“Go for it,” I said. “You might need $17.37.”

So, supposedly, I’m now good to go, although the spacing on some of my columns still looks a little whacky. Last week, I finished a column, punching the “save button”, but maybe not, because once again, this silly machine just got a mind of its’ own, taking me to Mahjong Land.

That is a Chinese tile puzzle game at which I’m quite quick, provided that the screen does not mysteriously disappear, just when I am at a high level. So, I succumbed, playing a few games, thinking there was still time to finish a started story.

I got stuck there! No matter how many buttons I pressed, it wouldn’t let me loose.

Clara “Clem” Caufield can be reached at acheyennevoice@gmail.com

Copyright permission Native Sun News Today

Note: Thumbnail image by Theen Moy