Terese Marie Mailhot: Beware of vicious and deadly gossip on rez

Once on the rez I was walking my baby to a Christmas dinner when a matriarch in my community scolded me for not putting a blanket on my baby. I was shamed, and rightfully so, because nobody with a good grandma would let their baby leave the house uncovered in the cold. The woman put her jacket on my baby, who was already wearing a little jacket and hat. This offering made me feel thankful to live on a reservation, where people cared enough to be generous.

Three days later I heard an ugly rumor that I was abusing my child. Lord, I didn’t know what to say because it all stemmed from this small encounter. I decided not to pay it any mind, until an administrator at the Health Department on our rez asked if everything was okay. I couldn’t explain the situation­­ – I felt beyond that. This is when I realized lateral violence could jeopardize my right to make mistakes and live in my own community.

We’ve all been in a conversation where someone looks excited to talk about a community member’s personal struggles. Their pupils get large as they’re talking about someone’s inability to raise their kid, or stay sober, or stop eating etc. On the rez that talk is dangerous: it can get social assistance pulled, unemployment taken away, children taken away, jobs ruined, or families broken up. Lateral violence stems from one’s inability to overcome the obstacles of oppression. They feel trapped within the confines of being an Indian, poor, and angry. They resort to hurting the most vulnerable people around them: their own.