"Cousin Ray Sixkiller came in and announced that he is beginning to think about giving up coffee. Now, that is about as likely as a Cherokee turning down an invitation to a hog fry, so you will pardon my skepticism.

“It’s this Tea Party thing goin’ on, Steve! You gotta stay in touch with your times.”

“Well Ray, I watch as much news as anybody and I don’t see any reason for an Indian to join the Tea Party. I mean, look at those few black people at their events. They trot them out like so many mascots. I keep expecting them to tap dance.”

“Yeah, well, you were always too sensitive about that mascot stuff when you were at the university. Don’t you see? This is a chance to get rid of our biggest problem.”

“Which is?”

“The federal government, of course.”

I must admit that Ray has a point. There is always a difference of opinion in Indian country about the BIA between “den of thieves” and “the gang that can’t shoot straight.”

But the BIA is the least of our problems. All of fundamental federal Indian law is made up by the U.S. Supreme Court out of nothing. We are only mentioned twice in the Constitution, to exclude tribal Indians from being counted when legislative districts were drawn and to establish that the federal government and not the states is in charge of Indian affairs. Everything else that places Indians in what the textbooks call “our federalism” was pulled out of Chief Justice John Marshall’s nether regions and supplemented by racist folklore."

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Steve Russell: Coffee and tea, Ray and me (Indian Country Today 9/29)