Gyasi Ross: New generation of Indian fathers working harder

Opinion

Friday, June 18, 2010

"Two of my closest friends were hellions growing up. They were older than me, and both were admittedly knuckleheads; therefore, my overprotective mom didn’t like them or want me hanging out with either of them. At the time, she had good reason for her apprehension. I doubt that she could see the changes that would occur in them.

They were the Native James Bonds to me, but I think that people reasonably wondered when they would end up dead, in jail, or drunk on the street. Like my mom, most folks continued to distrust them and expect the very worst from them.

Predictably, they both had children very early. You could see the look of fear in peoples’ faces. “These two thugs are having kids? God bless those poor kids.” Well-meaning white folks had a different look on their face. “Another statistic, another wasted Indian life.”

When their beautiful Indian baby boys were born, like moths turning into butterflies, these reservation rascals made an instantaneous transformation into responsible and incredible dads. Sure, they were far from perfect; they were still boys learning how to be men. But, they turned into the very models of what a father should be of any color, any ethnicity. To this day, they are incredibly involved in their children’s lives in every facet from fundraising, coaching, “birds and bees” talks, everything.

They’re not supposed to be this good. They’re not supposed to be these amazing fathers, taking part in meaningful portions of their kids’ upbringing. They had every excuse in the world not to be – poor, Indian, addictions, intergenerational trauma – you name the excuse, my friends could claim it.

But my friends refused to be victims; they refused to listen to those well-meaning people who wanted them to be victims. More importantly, they refused to make their children into victims. They took the necessary initiative and said they would not allow the sociological cycles that had so profoundly affected their lives continue to prevail.

They’re not alone. Nowadays, I see more young Native fathers willing to meet Native mothers halfway. Native moms have historically been incredible – now we have a generation of young fathers that are trying hard to be as accountable as Native women to their children.

In short, young Native men are refusing to become statistics and refusing to allow their children to become statistics. I see young Native fathers – almost invariably raised poor in single-parent households – at pow wows, canoe journeys, and basketball tournaments working desperately to be better parents than the examples they had."

Get the Story:
Gyasi Ross: Happy Father’s Day (Indian Country Today 6/17)