Opinion

Opinion: Immigrants fall for citizenship scams

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"Promoted by snake oil purveyors no longer able to coax a respectable living out of used teepee or totem pole fraud, and with too much ethics to join Al Gore's global warming hoax, this new scheme allows illegal aliens to join an Indian tribe.

By doing so, said invaders are allegedly able to secure U.S. citizenship and avoid deportation by Homeland Security demons operating under the direction of Michael Chertoff, who heads that department when not otherwise engaged in his official duties as the Anti-Christ.

And why would any self-respecting illegal alien fall for such an obvious scam?

In order get answers to this vexing question, we contracted with illegal alien and ACLU attorney Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, who points with pride to the fact that his long name is designed to thwart even the most sophisticated system used by the U.S. government to prevent ID fraud and illegal immigration.

According to Miquel Martinez Garcia Rodriquez Tejada Pena Hernandez, there are seven compelling reasons why illegal aliens are attracted to the Indian tribe scam: # 7. Marijuana and other recreational drugs OK;
# 6. No back taxes to fret;
# 5. No mean-spirited American history exams;
# 4. No need to work;
# 3. No snoopy criminal, credit, or medical background checks;
# 2. No need to learn no stinkin' English;

And The Number One Reason Illegal Aliens Fall For Indian Citizenship Scams:
# 1. No need to join the Catholic church or other pervert-friendly religious cults."

Get the Story:
John W. Lillpop: 'Savage' Nation Offers U.S. Citizenship to Illegal Aliens? (Canada Free Press 8/20)