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In The Hoop
FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 2002

Welcome to In The Hoop, Indianz.Com's occasional column about assorted Indian issues.

In The Hoop: The Scorecard
Is it Friday already? That means it's time for the weekly list of the movers and shakers in Indian Country and beyond.

The Winners
Blackfeet banker Elouise Cobell - You're not just an Individual Indian anymore, you're a tribe! This is just the rebranding that you needed.

Ross Swimmer - BITAM may be on the slow track for now but you sure have been busy making major decisions on Indian trust, while rebuffing advances by inquiring reporters as to your exact job and not paying attention to all the tribes who still hate you. The Gipper would be proud.

Former Special Trustee Paul Homan - Remember that time when you were appointed by the president to get trust into shape and then you drafted a strategic plan to do all that and then your boss didn't support it because he said tribes didn't like it and then he wouldn't give you any money or power to make changes and then you left the administration after he took away what little authority you had and he also replaced your plan with a blueprint that has now been scrapped so that another strategy can be drafted in its place? Remember? REMEMBER?

San Juan Pueblo - Just say no to forced unionism! But yes to a Supreme Court appeal!

The Losers
Indian Trust - It took the signature of Secretary Gale Norton and a revamp of the quarterly report for the Department of Interior to finally tell the truth about you. And it's ugly.

Interior deputy Bob Lamb - Your testimony on the stand, in light of a letter in which you claimed numerous information technology problems had already been corrected, is -- to use the words of a certain court monitor whose tone you found so "conspiratorial" -- at best misleading and at worse false.

The Tigua Tribe of Texas - Your arguments to the 5th Circuit were so persuasive that three judges felt no need to back up their order to shut down your casino with words. Time to run for the border? Fiction sounds better than truth, doesn't it now, Mr. PR Man.

Moogoo Stinging Beer - You're sovereign when it suits you (avoiding fines from the White man), not sovereign when it doesn't (when a real Indian spurns you). No one buys your idiotic scam.

In The Middle
IIM Accounts - Sure, no one knows if your balances are accurate. We'll have even less of a chance once Andersen gets through with you. God save us all.

U.S. District Judge Lamberth - Newspapers never seem to spell your last name right! Is it Lambeth? Lambert? We admit we drop the "C." too!

Polar Bears - You're cute, you're cuddly, you'll look even better with oil all over your fur.

Arctic Slope Regional Corp - More than $1 billion in revenues? Wow! Howzaboutsomebreadonthetable?

In Your Hoop
Who were your winners and losers? Email In the Hoop and let us know.

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