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In The Hoop
JUNE 8, 2001

Welcome to In The Hoop, Indianz.Com's occasional column about assorted Indian issues.

In The Hoop: The Scorecard
So who were this week's movers and shakers? Its time once again for In The Hoop's take on the winners and losers in news, politics, and beyond.

The Winners
Native America Calling host Harlan McKosato - For finally settling down and getting married. When can In The Hoop expect a little Harlan welcoming listeners to the electronic talking circle? Soon (very soon) we hear.

Billionaire Phillip Anschutz - For attracting the attention of Secretary of Interior Gale Norton long enough to attend get her to attend your art exhibit. Too bad there weren't any paintings of oil fields in the collection.

National Museum of American Indian - For getting a $10 million donation from the Mohegan Tribe. Only $90 million to go!

Former Assistant Secretary Kevin Gover - For predicting that the Oneida Nation of New York would prevail in its fight over taxation. Get that retainer yet?

Bush twins Jenna and Barbara - For not being involved in any alcohol-related incidents this week. One step at a time, ladies.

Harvard and MIT graduates - For finishing college this week and getting those degrees. Congratulations!

Former Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt - For finally getting some clients. How come they weren't Indians? Hmmmm....

The Losers
Midnight Rodeo in Albuquerque - For losing a valued customer. What semi-famous Indian celebrity terrorize / charm / annoy women now?

Convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh - For failing to convince the court system you needed more time to prepare for your execution.

Attorney General John Ashcroft - For trying to claim minorities weren't disproportionately affected by the death penalty when a report from your own department clearly showed otherwise.

The Ysleta Del Sur Tigua Tribe of Texas - For losing an attempt to prevent from being sued in court. Is this the end of the Speaking Eagle Casino?

Paleo-Indians - For hunting all the big mammoths, large camels, three-toed sloths, dire wolves, and saber-toothed tigers to death. But at least you left the bison for European-Americans to drive to near extinction. How thoughtful.

The Seminole Tribe of Florida - For losing a civil rights lawsuit brought by boxer Antonio Tarver. But In The Hoop proposes a settlement: let Tarver and suspended Chief Jim Billie battle it out in a swamp-ring filled with alligators. Whoever makes it out with more fingers intact wins! Don King is interested in promoting this event, we hear.

In the Middle
Los Angeles Residents - For attracting the attention of the media and tribes in the race for your mayor. Now, no one will give a hoot what happens to you for the rest of the year.

Tribal leaders - For suing to get your job back, for trying in vain to prevent drilling at a sacred site in Montana, and for cleaning house.

In Your Hoop
Who were your winners and losers? Email us and let us know. You might be published here. Email In the Hoop.

Previous In The Hoops
June 6 | June 5 | June 1 | May 30 | May 24 | May 23 | May 16 | May 11 | May 8 | May 7 | May 2 | May 1 | April 30 | April 25 | April 24 | April 23 | April 20 | April 19

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