"Now, I don’t usually dwell on the subject of pooping because to me it’s a matter of ‘so what, everybody does it’. Of course, I have giggled about stories of what my people call a “boogit” or more crassly, a fart. Think of it though, in the actual physical performance it sounds just like that phonetically “Boo-gitt”. I dunno. That’s what I think anyways. Maybe your tribe’s boogit’s sound different. I can only testify that my own are near nonexistent but when they do appear, they are sweet, musical toots, like a Mozart melody.

Ho-Lay! Carried away, ennit? Never mind boogits for now, my main subject was poops, or more specifically, 15,000 year old Native coprolites. Coprolites that are the beginning of the real truth about our ancient existence here in Turtle Island, how very ironic! “Our ancestors have been crapping here longer than your ancestors, you gosh darn boat people! So there!” (I mentally hurl a turd in their direction).

Some scientists in Oregon excavated a cave in which was found animal bones, camel and horse with scrapes on them, the dinner of which of course resulted in the poops. Now I don’t wanna get all scientifical on yooz. The point I am trying to make here is that (as I said many years ago and I quote me) “the white mans’ technology would eventually prove them wrong.” I add now on every count.

Take that you Bering Strait theorists! Yay! I just love this, and I will sleep better tonight and for many nights to come, in the sure knowledge that our Native history, our tribal stories and our family legacies will be validated, not terminated. And if anyone ever asks me again ‘where I come from’ I will cheerfully enlighten them. Actually, I’m gonna tell anyone who will listen."

Get the Story:
Ricey Wild: It ain't easy being Indian (The Circle August 2008)

Related Stories:
Ricey Wild Column: It Ain't Easy Being Indian (7/15)